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It’s Easy — Just Press Agree

I finally figured out how to make a million.  Seriously!  After all those years serving for nothing as a director on my building’s board, I see a payday ahead. I’m going to market an “AGREE” button. You probably know about that EASY button you can put on your desk or download to solve problems at work. Well this one is geared toward the specific needs of officers and directors of co-ops and condos who want to burnish their image by giving the impression they are busy solving your problems — when maybe they’re not.

I got the idea from my friend who’s on the board at her Chelsea building and am so convinced of its profit-making potential that I’ve promised to cut him in on the deal.  Unlike the Facebook guy, I plan to stand by my promise.

“I don’t know what to do,” is how it all started.  That’s what my friend said to me when I recently went to visit.

“What are you talking about?”

“We have emails flying back and forth about board business.”

“Tell me about it,” I commiserated.

“Only our president always answers with the same word.”

“One word?”

“AGREE that’s it — her signature signoff

“What if she disagrees?”

“Never does – not in print.”

“What if the question isn’t capable of such a simple response?”

“Doesn’t answer.”

“Not at all?”

“Not a syllable.”

“Maybe she suffers from some sort of vocabulary deficit,” I tried to make sense of what I was hearing.

“I don’t think so.  When she talks about regular stuff – not to me, but to other people –she uses full sentences.”

“That’s impossible.  I mean I’ve heard of one-term presidents, but never one-word presidents.”

“Here, see for yourself.” 

After swearing me to secrecy, she flipped open her laptop and scrolled down all the emails from fellow board members for the past six months. Sure enough, every one from Ms. President had one word and one word only – AGREE – in big bold capital letters

“I think we should approve the application for sale of apartment 19C,” a fellow director had written.

“AGREE”

I think we should buy the doorman a new chair,” another board member suggested.

AGREE”

I think we should do this.  I think we should do that,” the emails from everyone else went on endlessly.

“AGREE, AGREE, AGREE,” Ms. President repeated her one word mantra.

“And I thought you were putting me on.”

“I mean if all she’s doing is glomming onto other people’s ideas, and never taking the initiative on anything why should she be President?”

“Can’t you just get rid of her?”

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