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The Elevator Ride

Hand has pinchedBrute force is not the way to settle disputes in High Rise Society or anywhere else – except maybe on the battlefields of Afghanistan.  But sometimes residents allow their emotions to get the better of them, something you will not do having been coached in the pacifist path to dispute resolution. (See: How To Outsmart Your Enemies.) So I offer this as a cautionary tale to remind you of the consequences that could ensue should the urge to attack befall you.

 A board member at a Manhattan co-op left his apartment to take his dog for a walk.  When the elevator door opened, a neighbor got out and started cursing the chief for doing such a rotten job. Chill out, the chief told his unappreciative constituent, as he got into the elevator with his dog.  As the door started closing, the malcontent held it open, then followed his target into the elevator, hitting him while shouting expletives, and forcing his back against the elevator handrail. The constituent finally left and the chief made it to the lobby, where he told the doorman to call the cops.

You guessed it.  The chief sued the mad man for assault and battery, and for good measure threw in a claim for emotional distress.  The episode was caught on the surveillance camera in the elevator so the attacker couldn’t say he didn’t attack. Instead he said the camera didn’t tell the whole story because as he was exiting the elevator, outside of camera range, the chief threatened to sic his dog on him so really he was only acting in self defense and the recording didn’t show that part so it shouldn’t be allowed as evidence.

 But with sex tapes of Miss California and voice mails from Tiger’s girlfriends only the latest examples of unwanted truths being laid bare, that argument didn’t go over big.  The out-of-control shover was found liable for assault and battery, only the amount of damages for his transgressions remaining to be decided. 

petter1Odds are the real cost was his fall from grace in the eyes of his neighbors, who probably now whisper behind his back about the need for anger management and avoid elevator rides with him for fear of getting clobbered.  Whether rehabilitation is possible and, if so, how long it may take is anyone’s guess.

Let this be a lesson.  If you want to avoid trouble with your fellow residents – and the law – remain stoic even when provoked and always keep your hands to yourself.  If you need an outlet to vent your frustration go shoot some hoops or get a voodoo doll — with lots of pins.

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2 Responses to “The Elevator Ride”

  1. Pin Pusher says:

    I just ordered a voodoo doll, best suggestion I ever got for dealing with some of my favorite people in the building. Can’t wait for it to arrive. Will let you know if it works.

  2. Calmer Dweller says:

    I tried out the virtual voodoo doll. I think my blood pressure went down 20 points. I feel like I can get in the elevator now with anyone.

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