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The Art Of Garbage

garbageYou’d think people who live in High Rise Society would know how to throw away garbage.   It’s not that difficult – really.  All you have to do is separate out the glass and plastic stuff and put it in one bin, and put newspapers in another, though scarcely anyone reads hard copy anymore, which is a problem for anyone who goes looking for old newspapers for their kids’ school projects or to wrap dishes.  Except in really fancy buildings on Fifth Avenue people still get auction catalogues from Sotheby’s and Christies, which are more like books and have lots of pretty pictures.

 The rest of the stuff you just shove in a bag and cram down the chute.  For some reason that I don’t understand, maybe because I’m only one person without that much garbage, people always buy bags bigger than the chute so they get stuck, leaving the next person to discard their mess, which I think is pretty arrogant.  And even if the chutes are made bigger, they just get bags that are even bigger.

I don’t know why because most residents don’t throw away their own garbage any more than they wash their own laundry even though there are now designer garbage garbagebags, but outsource their dirty work to a cadre of foreign speaking women.  This can be a problem, especially if the rules of garbage etiquette are not being observed, which is the case most of the time

We just got a memo reminding us not to throw bowling balls down the chute, which surprised me because bowling is not a game generally favored by members of High Rise Society, who prefer tennis or even polo.  Though now that The President has taken up this once déclassé sport, I’m sure its star will be on the rise.

No one wants to blame the domestic cadre for garbage violations for fear of being accused of class insensitivity. Though it doesn’t seem to bother many people to just leave their sack of trash on the floor for the porters to throw away, action that seems to me an even more obvious form of social oppression.

31848-2Lots of times stuff left on the floor doesn’t stay garbage very long, but gets recycled, which is sort of like re-gifting without a bow.  It’s okay for residents to pluck treasure from the trash — I admit I once took a china cache pot – because everyone knows that after stuff is thrown away it doesn’t belong to anyone anymore.  But even though everyone who lives in High Rise Society knows that garbage belongs to nobody, those who only work there are usually told that garbage belongs to everyone who lives there so they can’t take anything even though no one wants it.

I always thought that garbage was the ultimate equalizer, like people in their underpants, but it seems I’m wrong – or at least out of sync with my fellow tribesmen.

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One Response to “The Art Of Garbage”

  1. Curious says:

    Where can I get one of those designer garbage bags? They’re a lot better looking than those hefty sacs.

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