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Don’t Pee In The Pool

Happy child in a swimming poolLife in High Rise Society is governed by rules, lots of which make no sense, but some, like this one, that actually do. So I was sort of surprised when, recently, I got a call from an irate condo owner in Indiana or Iowa – one of those states in the Mid-West that start with I – outraged that his son had been banned from the pool for this very offense.

“Did he do it?”

“Well, you know, he and his friends were a little drunk, so I guess maybe he did – BUT WE’RE GOING TO SUE,” fighting words that usually are the first out of the mouth of any owner who’s done something wrong.

I managed to convince the dad that wasn’t the way to go because his son was guilty as charged, and a no peeing rule is one I guarantee would be upheld by any court.  Only it turns out you can pee in the pool.  That is, at least some people think you should be able to, or at least shouldn’t be banned from the pool for the mere possibility that you might pee in it

Maybe this isn’t a big problem in New York, where most buildings don’t have pools, though there are lots of them in gyms frequented by members of High Rise Society. Not that it ever occurred to me that anyone was peeing in the pool at the spanking clean university gym I go to.  But then I heard the ultimate swimmer, Michael Phelps, admit on TV that he had peed in the pool and I figured if there’s peeing going on in Olympic pools who knows what the person in the lane next to me is doing.  This revelation made me rethink my exercise regime just as I had re-evaluated my hamburger habit after having read in The Times about the mash that’s used to make them, imported from dead cow leftovers as far off as Uruguay.

 But I did a little homework and found out that awhile back some woman in Ohio was so pissed that she joined with fair housing advocates to bring a complaint against her condo, claiming that her eighteen month old toddler was a victim of age discrimination because he was being banned from the pool for fear that he might pee – or worse poop — even though he hadn’t done either because he hadn’t been allowed in the pool. If you can believe it, the Ohio Civil Rights Commission actually found cause for the matter to proceed until both sides had an attack of reason and resolved their differences.

Despite that aberration, I’m prepared to go out on a limb and say a rule banning people from peeing in the pool would be upheld in High Rise Society (though how you’d enforce it is a whole different story).  The bigger question is: What rules make sense and what don’t and what, if anything, is the limit on rulemaking power of those in control.

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One Response to “Don’t Pee In The Pool”

  1. Pee Totaler says:

    My building actually has a pool on the roof. But after reading this, I’m going to think twice — no three times — about using it, unless they add a boatload of chlorine, except I’m sure that’s no good either.

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